The promise of spring is being dangled in front of us here in northwestern Wisconsin. One day you can touch it, almost believe you can grab hold of it and keep it, only to have it retreat from your reach the next day.

Birds are returning. We can hear them in the trees above our heads. The ice on the St Croix River is breaking-up with loud cracks echoing off the riverside cliffs. The snow is almost completely melted, only lingering where it’s been pushed in great parking lot piles by the plows. And some days the sun is actually as warm as it looks, tempting us to open our windows and step away from our offices to turn our faces up to the heavens and sigh. The only grumbling I’ve heard is from the skiers and ice fishermen who are not quite ready to end the season that for many had a late start this year.

A sure sign of spring in our neck of the woods is the start of maple syrup season, the time when taps are gently hammered into the thick trunks of waking maple trees and the sap drained into buckets to use in the making of maple syrup. Sugar shacks are firing up their boilers and soon a fresh batch of syrup will be hitting the local shops and breakfast tables. Forget that artificial big corporate brand you buy at the grocery store. It’s nothing more than high fructose corn syrup and caramel coloring. If you haven’t tried real maple syrup, I urge you to do so. There’s nothing like the flavor of natural maple to bring those pancakes (or french toast) to life.

But that’s not the only use for maple syrup. It makes wonderful candy, flavors your baking, even your home-brewed beer. Amazing! Google it and you’ll find so many recipes you won’t know where to start. Here’s a favorite in my house. I found it on allrecipes.com a couple years ago and it’s a keeper. It calls for pan-frying in a little butter and vegetable oil, but I bake them on a sprayed cookie sheet at 350 for about 40 minutes, or until cooked through. Moist on the inside and crunchy nutty sweet on the outside. Mmmmmm! If you try it, let me know what you think. And feel free to send me any other suggestions for what you do with real maple syrup.

Pecan Breaded Chicken Breasts
4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
2 tablespoons real maple syrup
1 cup chopped pecans
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt

Combine pecans, flour and salt. Brush chicken breasts all over with maple syrup and coat completely with nut mixture.

Final note to make my point: It was 70° last weekend and now it’s snowing.

 

“Hold the door, say please, say thank you / Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie \ I know you got mountains to climb but / Always stay humble and kind.”  Tim McGraw

 

 

Have you heard Tim McGraw’s new hit song “Humble and Kind”? I crank up the radio when it comes on, singing along in a slightly off-key but enthusiastic voice. Words to live by.

We’re in a world where bullies are applauded, where it’s entertainment to watch one person turn on another. Whether you’re a fan of reality television, or glued to the current political campaigns, you are being bombarded with arrogance and cruel personal taunts. I’m not just talking about the Republicans; the Democrats also have their hands stuck deep into that not-so-sweet honey pot. Each one of them could take a lesson from Tim McGraw.

I know what you’re thinking; political candidates who stay humble and kind don’t get the press, so they don’t get elected. True, but again, we have only ourselves to blame. Those are the stories we read/watch and the journalists know this. So do the candidates, so they keep up the attacks. Bad press is better than no press at all, right? Ask any ill-behaved young Hollywood actor/actress. Do we want to read about the actor who spends his weekends working at an animal shelter, feeding the homeless, or do we want to see more pictures of a drunken young train wreck of an actress climbing out of a car in a short skirt and no panties.

Look what’s happened to Dr Ben Carson. An intelligent man whose soft-spoken manner got him over-looked during every debate. He had some good ideas worth discussing, but he rarely got a chance to speak as he couldn’t be heard over the screaming and name-calling. After a recent debate viewers were asked who they thought won. Almost unanimously they said, Governor Kasich from Ohio. He was the only adult on stage, they said, refusing to take the bait. They were impressed by this, but will it make any difference in the polls? Probably not. They were shocked by Donald Trump’s defense of a certain male body part. If it were any other candidate, such a remark would mean the death of his candidacy, but will it harm Trump? No. People say they were disgusted by it, he wasn’t being “presidential”, but will that mean fewer votes? We can always hope so, but probably not. We can’t stop snickering about it. People like to watch bullies beat up on everyone else. Attacks don’t have to be physical, although a couple of women wearing too much make-up and too tight of clothing throwing their wine and clawing at each other always leads to a lot of water cooler gossip the next morning.

Why is a romance writer blogging about this? Because romance is all about the happy ending, and you can’t have that without a little humility and kindness from both your hero and heroine. It’s what gets me out of bed each morning. It’s why I love to read a good romance.

“Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you / When you get where you’re goin’ / Don’t forget turn back around / And help the next one in line / Always stay humble and kind.” Tim McGraw

It’s the story of kings and queens, knights and lords and ladies. The romance, rules, and art of Courtly Love and the Code of Chivalry were strict, allowing knights and ladies to openly express their admiration and love despite their marital status. It was common for a married lady to give a knight a token, perhaps her handkerchief or a flower, before a tournament to show favor. Love songs and poems were presented to married ladies without worry. A moment of flattery, a bit of harmless flirting, nothing more.

But such fun and games could grow to something far more dangerous, as described in legends like those of King Arthur and his Queen, Guinevere, who fell in love with her knight, Sir Lancelot. Their love brought about the undoing of the Round Table. Many illicit romances were fuelled by the practice of Courtly Love.

The art of Courtly Love was practiced throughout the courts of Europe. It is believed to have its origins in Aquitaine France in the 12^th Century and spread to the English court from the 1300’s to the 1500’s. It was a time when marriages were arranged and had little or nothing to do with love. Marriage was a contract used for power and material gain. It was acceptable that romance could be found outside of marriage, but only if the rules pertaining to chastity and fidelity were strictly followed.

The rules of Courtly Love were written by the 12^th Century Frenchman, Andreas Capellanus. Reading this list, you can see why playing this game could easily lead to trouble.

• He who is not jealous, cannot love
• No one can be bound by a double love
• It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing
• That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish
• Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity
• When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required by the survivor
• No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons
• No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love
• Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice
• It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry
• A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved
• When made public love rarely endures
• The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized
• Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved
• When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates
• A new love puts to flight an old one
• Good character alone makes any man worthy of love
• If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives
• A man in love is always apprehensive
• Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love
• Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved
• He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little
• Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved
• A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved
• Love can deny nothing to love
• A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved
• A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved
• A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love
• A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved
• Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women

The ideals of Courtly Love can be seen in the literature of the time. Geoffrey Chaucer wrote of it in Canterbury Tales. The wandering minstrels and troubadours of the Middle Ages sang ballads to it. They were expected to memorize and recite lengthy poems about valor and the Code of Chivalry followed by the knights.

But if you’re looking for a good tale of chivalry and Courtly Love, and you’re not interested in trying to decipher the old English of the Middle Ages, all you have to do is search Amazon for medieval romance or medieval courtly love romance and you’ll be given pages of choice. Romance is not dead, nor is Courtly Love, but I suggest you stick to fiction. Your husband or wife will appreciate it.

Etymologists trace the word “chocolate” back to the Aztec word “xocoatl,” a bitter drink brewed from cacao beans. The Latin name for the cacao tree, Theobroma cacao, means “food of the gods.”

Cacao beans have always been valued, often used as currency in trade.  A 16^th century Aztec document reports one bean could be traded for a tamale, 100 beans could purchase a good turkey hen. The Aztecs and Mayans believed cacao beans to have magical, even divine, properties. They used them in their most sacred rituals of birth, marriage, and death. For example, Aztec sacrifice victims who were too depressed or anxious to participate in their pre-sacrifice festivities were given chocolate tinged with the blood of previous sacrifices in order to cheer them up. (I wonder how that worked out!)

It was the Europeans’ appearance in America that precipitated the addition of sugar to the drink. Legend has it that Aztec king Montezuma, mistaking Hernando Cortez for a reincarnated god, welcomed the Spanish explorer with a banquet including the sacred chocolate drink. One of the foreign invaders described it as “a bitter drink for pigs”, but it wasn’t long before they discovered that when mixed with honey or sugar the drink became quite enjoyable. By the 17^th century the popularity of chocolate had spread from Spain to the rest of Europe. It was a fashionable drink available only to the rich and was believed to have nutritious, as well as medicinal and even aphrodisiac, properties. It is rumored that Casanova was particularly fond of chocolate. It wouldn’t be until the steam engine made mass production possible in the late 1700s that the drink became available to everyone.

In 1828, a Dutch chemist devised a way to make powdered chocolate. His product became known as “Dutch cocoa” and it led the way to the creation of the solid chocolate candy we are familiar with today.  By 1868, Cadbury was selling little boxes of chocolates in England. Milk chocolate arrived on the market a few years later, thanks to another familiar company…Nestle.

Chocolate was so highly valued in America it was included in soldiers’ rations, and sometimes used in lieu of wages, during the Revolutionary War. It is now a more than $4 billion a year industry in the United States and the average American eats at least a half pound each month. Today’s chocolate comes in a wide variety of treats that often include more sugar and additives than actual cacao, and are made from the hardiest, but least flavorful beans. There is a chocolate revolution going on, though, with an ever-growing interest in high quality, hand-made chocolates and sustainable, effective cacao farming and harvesting methods. Consumers are willing to pay a little more for premium chocolate, but will never lose their taste for the less expensive Nestle or Hershey candy bars so tantalizingly displayed in every store checkout line.

As for the conversation candy hearts, they are only available for that brief window of time between New Year’s and Valentine’s Day. But don’t let that fool you; they are in high demand and they aren’t going away anytime soon. This year we celebrate the 150^th anniversary of the popular candy.

They got their start around the time of the Civil War. Daniel Chase, brother of the New England Confectionery Company (NECCO) founder, began printing messages on the wafer candies in the 1860s. They were popular at weddings, with such sayings as “Married in satin, love will not be lasting” and “Married in white, you have chosen right.” The candy hearts we recognize today began in 1902 and the sayings are updated every year.

I’ll leave you with a few interesting facts about candy hearts: NECCO makes more than 8 billion candy hearts every year. Daily production starts the end of February and goes through mid-January, weighing in at around 100,000 pounds of candy. The entire amount will sell out in 6 weeks! They are the best-selling Valentine’s Day candy…that beats even chocolate. In 2010, for the first time in 145 years, NECCO discarded all of the old sayings and replaced them with an entirely new line of expressions chosen by the public. Some of the most popular new sayings include “Tweet Me,” “Text Me,” “You Rock,” “Love Bug,” “Soul Mate,” and “Me + You.” You can still place a custom order for the old sayings, but you will have to buy a full production run…

That’s 1.7 million candy hearts! Sweet tooth, anyone?

 

The book to read is not one that thinks for you, but one that makes you think.

“To Kill A Mockingbird”

 

Harper Lee, author and Pulitzer Prize winner, has died. Like so many others, I was saddened by the announcement, not surprised because she was 89 years old and in failing health, but sad at the idea of a world without this woman’s keen sense of right and wrong, the moral and the ethical.

I won’t go into her biography here. You can get that easily by Googling her name. What I would like to comment on is the profound legacy she left behind summed up in this one simple quote from her debut novel…what would have been her only novel if she hadn’t recently published “Go Set A Watchman” in July 2015. Harper Lee’s books made you think! They opened up hearts and led to more than a few heated debates over the recent months.

I don’t know how many friends have told me they had to read Mockingbird in high school and still own a copy that they pick up periodically to re-read, me included. However, ask them about Watchman and you might get a completely different answer. Some refuse to read it because they’ve been told by others that they will be disappointed, that it wasn’t well-written and their beloved Atticus is portrayed as a racist rather than a saint. But others, like myself, loved the second book as much as the first, although for different reasons, and I encourage them to read it as a story of the changing times and a young woman’s struggle to reconcile her simplistic childhood image of her father with his true complex nature.

Yes, Atticus Finch is flawed in the sequel; but aren’t we all? I would argue even the most conservative and the most liberal view-holders actually fall somewhere in that wide middle ground. In Mockingbird Atticus defends a young black man, Tom Robinson, charged with rape. He does this not because the man is black, but because he is innocent and Atticus believes in justice. Scout, like the young Harper Lee, goes to court every day of the trial to watch Atticus argue before the jury. She idolizes her father, as so many of us do. She has a larger-than-life image of him that she carries into adulthood. In Watchman, Scout (now Jean Louise), is a young woman home from New York City to visit her father. It is the 1950s and her hometown of Maycomb, Alabama, is in the middle of the debate over the Supreme Court’s Brown vs Board of Education decision. Jean Louise is shocked to find her father is a member of a community group fighting desegregation, and he is not fighting for the rights of the black children.

Atticus Finch explains his views as paternal. He feels black people are not ready for equal rights yet, but that they will be someday with the guidance of well-meaning community members, father-figures, like himself. Of course, we now recognize this as blatant racism, but Atticus Finch was a complicated man living in an era that straddled the old belief system he grew up under and the new beliefs Jean Louise and her generation will fight to attain.

Too many people today sit back and wait to be told what to believe, what to think. I don’t know if they can’t be bothered with deciding for themselves, or if they are afraid of being told they’re wrong. If you read Watchman within its historical context and it leads you to think, even to debate others, if you walk away feeling like maybe you learned something, then the author has done what every good writer aims to do and you will be a better person for it.

Approximately 150 million cards are exchanged annually for Valentine’s Day, second only to Christmas (an estimated 2.6 billion). Despite the claims of men, Valentine’s Day was not an invention of Hallmark to sell more greeting cards. Nor was it the brainchild of some florist or chocolatier looking to increase profits; although, all three have certainly seized at the opportunity.

Valentine’s Day has its roots in a pagan festival. Some believe St Valentine’s Feast was held in mid-February to coincide with the anniversary of the saint’s death or burial thought to have occurred in A.D. 270, while others claim it was the decision of the Church in an attempt to Christianize the pagan celebration of Lupercalia, a fertility festival dedicated to Fauna, the Roman god of agriculture, and to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. At the end of the 5^th century, Pope Gelasius officially declared Lupercalia to be unchristian and named February 14^th St. Valentine’s Day. It would not be until much later that the holiday would be definitively thought of as a celebration of love and romance.

Valentine greetings date back as far as the Middle Ages, but it wasn’t until after 1400 that the written greeting appeared. The oldest Valentine still in existence is a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is believed that several years later King Henry V hired writer John Lydgate to compose a valentine for Catherine of Valois. By 1900 pre-printed cards began to replace the traditional hand-written note.

Today our Valentine greeting is about much more than a simple greeting card. One of the most popular Valentine’s gifts is flowers. We all recognize roses as the traditional Valentine’s Day flower, but did you know that the color of the rose is as important as the gesture itself? Red roses mean love, longing or desire. The number of red roses given also holds special meaning. Twelve red roses means “Be mine” and “I love you.” White roses mean purity, chastity and innocence. Yellow roses express exuberance, sunny feelings of joy, warmth and welcome. They symbolize friendship and caring. Pink roses express gentle emotions such as admiration, joy and gratitude, also elegance and grace. Light pink mean sweetness and innocence. Orange roses signify passion and energy, intense desire, pride and fervor, even a sense of fascination. Lavender roses are the color of enchantment, love at first sight. Darker shades closer to purple invoke a sense of regal majesty and splendor, express fascination and adoration. Blue roses do not occur naturally, thus representing the unattainable or mysterious. Green roses are the color of harmony, opulence, fertility. They are the color of peace and tranquility. Black roses, the color of death and farewell, the death of a feeling or idea. A mixed bouquet represents a mix of emotions, depending on the colors chosen. It could mean “I love you and my intentions are honorable”, “I love you even though I know you can never be mine”, or even “I don’t know how I feel but care enough to send you these roses”.

Next week we continue our journey into Valentine’s Day traditions with “Candy Hearts and Chocolate”.

St. Valentine and Cupid, the two figures, one real and one myth, most closely associated with Valentine ’s Day. Who was St. Valentine? The answer to that question is unclear.

The Catholic Church recognizes three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all martyred. One was a priest who served in the third century Roman army. Emperor Claudius II believed single men made better soldiers, men not distracted by a wife and family, so he made it illegal for young men to marry. Legend has it this soldier priest defied the decree by secretly marrying young soldiers who had fallen in love. When the emperor learned of this, he ordered Valentine put to death. Other legends suggest Valentine, while imprisoned and awaiting his execution, may have been killed helping Christians escape from the tortures of Roman prisons. According to one legend he actually composed and sent the first “Valentine” after falling in love with a young girl, perhaps his jailor’s daughter, who visited him regularly. He is supposed to have signed his greeting “From your Valentine”. The one thing the legends all have in common is the portrayal of Valentine as a sympathetic, romantic hero. By the Middle Ages, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Perhaps the most familiar symbol of Valentine’s Day is Cupid, that fat winged little angel with the arrows that are supposed to make their target fall in love. This vision of Cupid, son of Venus, Goddess of Love, comes from Roman mythology. However, Greek mythology envisioned Cupid much differently.

Eros, the son of Aphrodite, Greek Goddess of Love, was a handsome young man who made the mistake of falling in love with a mortal woman, Psyche, said to be even more beautiful than his jealous mother. Aphrodite sent a plague to Earth and made it known the only way to end the suffering was to sacrifice Psyche. The King, Psyche’s father, bound her and left her to be devoured by a fearsome monster. Eros rescued Psyche and married her. His one requirement, though, was that his bride never see his face. This did not bother Psyche as she was happy with her husband who was a wonderful lover by night and left her to live in unimaginable luxury by day. Unfortunately, Psyche had two sisters who were just as jealous of their sister’s beauty as was Aphrodite. They convinced Psyche her husband must in truth be a horrible monster. So one night Psyche lit a candle to see for herself. Instead of something ugly and fearsome, she saw the face of a god. As Psyche gazed at the sleeping Eros, her candle dripped hot wax and he awoke. Angry at her betrayal, Eros flew away. Devastated, Psyche begged her mother-in-law for another chance. Aphrodite set Psyche on a quest to complete four tasks in order to win back Eros’ love. Psyche managed to accomplish the first three tasks with the help of ants, a reed, and an eagle, but the fourth task became her downfall. Aphrodite sent Psyche to the underworld to steal a box of Persephone’s beauty cream. Again with help, Psyche learned how to find the entryway to the underworld, how to get around the guards Charon and Cerberus, and how to behave in the presence of the Queen of the Underworld. But, as Aphrodite predicted would happen, Psyche could not resist the temptation to open the box. Psyche reasoned that if the most perfect goddess Aphrodite could be made even more beautiful by this cream, imagine what it would do for her, an imperfect mortal. Upon opening the box, Psyche fell into a deathlike sleep. With the help of Zeus, Eros brought his sleeping wife to Olympus, where she was given nectar and ambrosia and thus made immortal. On Olympus, in the presence of the other gods, Aphrodite was forced to accept Psyche as her daughter-in-law. Psyche would soon give birth to a daughter named Pleasure.

In Latin the word Cupid means “desire”, that emotion we celebrate this Sunday by giving our loved ones cards, flowers, candy…perhaps that much-anticipated ring. Come back next week and read about the origins of those traditional Valentine’s Day gifts.

Even though Valentine’s Day is not until the 14^th, and the 14^th only according to my calendar, February has long been celebrated as the unofficial month of romance. I petition that we make it official, get it acknowledged on calendars everywhere. February: The Month of Love and Romance. I love romance! That’s why I’ve chosen to write romances, like to read romances, and am a sucker for a good Hallmark or Lifetime movie romance. There is so much fear and hate in this world, so much unhappy dragging of our feet from one day into the next, that I think it’s good to be reminded that love still exists and love will win out if we let it, even if only in our heart.

I’ll be attending an event on Saturday the 13^th called “For the Love of Romance” and you’re all invited. It will be from 10am to 1pm at Deb’s Café (formerly Camille’s) at 1120 122^nd St in Chippewa Falls (off Melby Rd). This is where romance readers can meet romance writers. Authors scheduled to be there include Ashylnn Monroe, Tina Susedik, Michel Prince, Ginger Ring, Beth James, Cheryl Yeko, Randi Alexander, Steve Mitchell, Patti Fiala, C.J. Bower, Wendy Stenzel Oleson, Marc Stevens, Anita Kidesu, and Alaska Angelini. There will be a meet & greet at 10:00, a Q&A panel at 11:00, and a book signing at 12:00 (books will be available for purchase or you can bring your copy from home). Come early as the first 20 attendees will receive a special gift bag!

For the Love of Romance Poster

Come join us for the fun! I hear it was a big success last year and regret I didn’t know about it until after the fact. As for next year, my goal is to be sitting with the authors and signing copies of “Mary Bishop” for all of you.

Until then, join me each week as I bring you my own month of romance, covering such topics as St Valentine, Cupid, medieval courtly love, and the history of chocolate.

“Life happens”, or so they say. It’s true. Sometimes life gets in the way of us doing what we want to do. We want to be writing but we have to go to work, one of the kids is sick, the dog needs to go to the vet, or it snows two feet and after hours of shoveling you can hardly move let alone think. That was no doubt the problem for many writers across the east coast this past week.

In most cases we just have to resign ourselves to the interruption and do what we must knowing there will be time to write later. But, rather than give up entirely, use this time to observe. We are surrounded every day with sights and sounds that could build a life-time of stories. You never know, you might find the answer to your plot problem, or your character question, in an overheard conversation on the bus or at the next table in the café. Don’t let anyone suggest you’re wasting time by reading a book when you could be writing yours. Tell them you’re studying the methods of another writer in order to strengthen your own.

As for that snow storm, that is a blessing in disguise. Yes, if you can’t get to work that means the kids can’t get to school. Bundle up with them and go outside and play! When was the last time you built a snowman, or an igloo? When was the last time you packed a snowball in your hands and surprised someone with a thunk in the back? Be a kid again. Go sledding or ice skating. I bet you’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel that icy wind in your face as you fly down a fresh snow-covered hillside. Later you can go for a walk with your love or your best friend, or even alone. Walking down the street under the muted glow of the street lamps, the whole world silent but for the crunch of your boots as they pack the snow beneath your feet, large fluffy snowflakes falling slowly all around, brings an amazing sense of peace.

And at the end of the day, a bubble bath with a scented candle, quiet music, lights low, and a glass of wine. Congratulate yourself for a day of work well-done…it’s called “research”.

Sledding by Jane Yunker

Boots kick silently through fresh snow,

long tracks in late afternoon shadows.

Alone I stand, white slope,

virgin snow, untouched.

Running belly flop, head down,

wind chapping cheeks, stinging eyes,

heart pounding with the thrill,

gliding to a slow stop.

Boots kick silently back through fresh snow,

humming, smiling, I trek down

streets deserted, lights twinkling,

windows steaming, dinner waiting.

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” Edna Buchanan, journalist and author.

As women we define ourselves by our relationships with others. It’s not only about our external roles…daughter, sister, mother, friend…but how we validate our internal emotions. Only another woman can understand the pain of miscarriage. Only another woman can understand the loss felt when you suddenly go from being the primary caregiver of young children to an empty-nester to having to care for an aging parent, a parent who might not even remember who you are.

A girlfriend will try to catch you when you try on those gorgeous 4-inch heels and then laugh with you when you both end up sprawled on the shoe store floor while everyone else stares as if you’re drunk, or perhaps insane. A girlfriend always has a tissue handy when you’re crying or a bottle of wine chilled and ready when you’re angry after a bad day at the office. It doesn’t matter if your one great love broke your heart, your pet died, or you’re watching that same sad movie for the umpteenth time, your girlfriend always has an understanding ear and a ready shoulder.

There are friendships that inspire us, such as Marilyn Monroe and Ella Fitzgerald. The famous sex symbol so idolized her friend, the Queen of Jazz, that in a time when black musicians couldn’t get hired anywhere but a black nightclub Marilyn promised a white nightclub owner she would sit in the front row every night for a week if he would hire Ella to perform in his club. Then there are the television friendships that spilled into real life. Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance were fast friends both on screen and off. Who doesn’t still laugh out loud when watching the chocolate factory scene? You can’t fake that kind of chemistry,not for all the awards in Hollywood. Although Vivian (“Ethel”) wasn’t on screen for vitameatavegamin you know she had to be standing right behind the camera stifling a laugh as she watched her friend stammer and stumble through that commercial pitch time and time again, each more ridiculous than the last.

Without our girlfriends we feel isolated, alone. Just try telling your husband about your bad day. Instead of listening, nodding, pouring you a glass of wine, he’ll tell you why his day was worse and then proceed to tell you how to “fix” your problem. A girlfriend doesn’t do that. In my novel, “Mary Bishop”, Mary mourns the loss of all the close women in her life: her mother, sisters, friends. Some have died while others disappeared after the Civil War ended. Only another woman who’d lived it could understand what they went through during that divisive and uncertain time; only another woman knew what it was like to have a son or husband, a love or a brother or father, march off one day never to return. Mary’s pain has formed a wall around her heart that she struggles to break through as she looks to form new friendships in a new town where anger and bitterness seem to be the predominant moods.

I’m one of the lucky ones. My best friend is my sister. We just returned from six days in Las Vegas. It’s an annual trip we both look forward to. There was a lot of laughter and a little gossiping. We talked about our children, our jobs, school (she recently went back for her degree). We drank, we gambled, and, yes, we tried on shoes. Let’s just say she rocks those 4-inch heels. Me, not so much. I’m more likely to be the one on the shoe store floor.

Tell me about your best girlfriend or sister.